by Dan Hochman | Jul 16, 2018 | Empowerment
Is all that is destroyed truly lost? Or is it merely transformed? We all have ideas of what we want to receive out of our lives. We have ideas around the perfect romantic relationship, the perfect home, some even plan every detail of their lives. Despite these aspirations, many of us have experienced that life doesn’t always go as planned. We are often left in the rubble of our wishes and set plans, only to pick ourselves up and move forward. The issue is not life.. It is not that we have been robbed, or cruelly disregarded. It is rather our belief that life runs in accordance with our personal conceptions, that is fundamentally off. Nature is beauty and chaos. It enables both the crashing tides of an ocean, and calm flow of a gentle stream. How can we expect it to abide by different rules within our own lives? This is not to say that we should give up on our dreams and desires, they are incredibly sacred. Rather we should choose a less rigid approach, and accept that although we may point our sails in a given direction.. we may not always reach our intended destination. When we accept this fact, we surrender our constant struggle with nature and open our lives up to endless possibility. Perhaps not getting the job we wanted, enables us to find our hearts passion. The abrupt end of a romantic relationship, can force us to get clearer on our own sense of purpose. A perceived loss, though often painful can also be a massive step in a new direction.
When we allow ourselves to be flexible, we lend way for the true magic to happen.
by Dan Hochman | Jun 5, 2018 | Empowerment
Would you describe yourself as a Nice Guy?
To clarify, I don’t mean behaving in a loving way to others, but rather perpetually “Nice”
If you would describe yourself in this light, I have some potentially alarming news for you.
It’s likely that you are suppressing some facet of your being. A part of yourself that you may have deemed as unacceptable or unworthy of love.
There has been a movement occurring recently in society, pressuring men to feel shame for their masculine essence. Many men are made to feel that there masculine fire, is solely destructive and harmful, and that it should be suppressed at all costs. Although this approach is misguided, as with most things, a grain of truth can always be found. When the masculine fire within us is used (Unconsciously) it can cause great harm. War, Oppression, and Manipulation are all byproducts of the masculine fire used unconsciously.
However When our divine masculine fire is combined with awareness, It is limitless in its expanse and capacity for beauty.
It it behind the forging of cities, and infustructure, it enables us to protect our loved ones, to pierce the walls of deception in others and the world around us so that (Truth) may reign. It allows us to persevere in times of difficulty, as well as open our hearts to others when it is difficult to be vulnerable. It allows us to stand up against injustice, and even fight against it when necessary. It allows to have the courage to cleanse ourselves of habits, relationships and vices that are leaching from our life force so that we can be of better service to ourselves and the world around us.
When we are young we often receive a hefty amount of social conditioning.
Social conditioning is defined as “the sociological process of training individuals in a society to respond in a manner generally approved by the society in general and peer groups within society.”
The problem with this is that we are often conditioned not to be outspoken beings with a strong sense of self but rather disempowered, and tame. As a result, after we recieve enough negative reinforcment of our wildness many of us embody “Mr. Nice Guy”, which comes at a great cost to our sense of self.
I am no stranger to disowning parts of myself, in fact doing so, has been a part of my personal journey.
When I was a child I was wild. Wildly loving, wildly energetic, silly, strong willed, and at times angry. As children we are fully integrated beings. Beautifully, unapologetically our authentic selves. At a certain age though we lose touch with ownership of our full range of emotions. Our life experiences often lead us to deem parts of ourselves as acceptable and other parts as unacceptable.
At age eleven, right in line with my parents divorce. I was experiencing a new surge in emotions. Most notably, anger, aggression, and confusion. Often I’d display these emotions in which many would deem to be destructive behaviors. Lashing out at my parents, breaking things, yelling, and cursing profusely.
In these instance, I would often experience what felt to be a withdrawal of love. I don’t judge my loved ones for this, explosive anger can often be a lot for others to handle. Yet over time I began to associate my expression of anger, with withdrawal of love from others. This of course led me to associate anger as (Bad) and being nice as (Good)
My fear was that if I continued to display the angry parts of myself, I would lose all of the people that I held dear to me. Thus I disowned my anger and other emotions I deemed as negative, for the faux mask of “niceness”.
I urge you to reconnect with your wildness, to rediscover the parts of yourself you have labeled as “bad” or “wrong”
The “Nice Guy” persona isn’t real. In fact not only does it deprive others of authentic connection with us, it can be our own personal prison.
Be great, be courageous, be wild.
by Dan Hochman | May 31, 2018 | Empowerment
What scares you?
Is it telling your loved one that you aren’t content with your relationship? Perhaps its letting go of a vice you’ve been relying on? Or the fear of going after something your heart desires because you fear the aftermath. What ever it may be. On the flip side of (Fear) there will always be (Life)
Think back to the time when you were young, terrified of popping off those true and trusted training wheels off of your bike. You were likely uncertain. Uncertain of your abilities, uncertain of whether or not you’d scrape up your knees in the process (which you likely did) and definitely unsure if your parents correctly assessed your readiness.
Fast forward to where you are now and the same theme of thoughts may pop through your mind. Am I ready for this? Will I get hurt in the process?
Far too often we stand in our own way when it comes to those moments. We are often afraid to let go of our perceived sense of control, and pursue what our heart desires. However when we do so, letting the chips fall where they may, we often experience a personal liberation. The kind that expands far beyond whether or not our desired outcome is achieved.
This Liberation, is that which comes with choosing to challenge the cage that we often build for ourselves. The cage of what is possible, what we are capable of, and often most harmful what we believe we deserve.
When we make the choice to challenge these notions, to not crumble under the pressure of fear. We allow life to fill in the blanks for us. We tap into the very essence of life. Beautiful, Unpredictable, Flow. Although we may scrape our knees in the process, the ride will always be more satisfying.
by Dan Hochman | May 28, 2018 | Empowerment
There is a mask we put on everyday. Consciously or unconsciously we wear it with our loved ones.. our friends.. and those we engage with as we go about our day. Often, we may not even see an issue with wearing this mask. We may even convince ourselves, that it is a means to an end. A necessary tool to get what we want from life, which can take many forms.
In my case, it meant chasing validation from women, chasing a toxic sense of respect from other men, and above all a deep yearning of looking myself in the mirror and feeling enough. I was building a house of cards, and I didn’t fully realize it. What I would tell myself, may sound familiar to you. “When I get that girl I’ll be enough.” “When I put on just a few pounds more of muscle, I’ll feel enough.. etc. etc.
The problem was I was chasing phantoms. Everything I tried, led me to a feeling of emptiness, frustration, or lacking in some sense. There is a deep rooted intelligence in every one of us that knows when we are lying to it, and it doesn’t like being lied to.
The price of it, is frustration, energy drain, and a perpetual lack of belonging.
The mask that I wore with women.. only made me feel alone, and even less lovable because I felt that I would never be truly “worthy of love” without it. The mask that I wore with other men.. made me long for genuine friendship, without the foundation of bravado supporting it.
Time after time, I ran, and ran, from truly seeing myself. I ran from standing alone with myself in the silence, perceived flaws and choosing to see them.
I was running, but getting nowhere.
The chase of something external, to validate those feelings of enough-ness can go on forever. Looking at yourself, OWNING who you are, can often be a scary, painful process. Yet it is scarier to wake up one day, realizing that you have spent most of your life denying yourself authentic expression, and connection with others.
Each and every one of us have accumulated reasons why we are not enough, reasons why we must meet the world with our “masks on”. Yet at our core.. each and every one of us, wants to be loved, seen, and accepted for who we are beneath our mask.
Make the choice to hear your truth, in the hard moments. In the moments that you’re afraid you will lose the love of those around you for it, in the moments that you’re afraid you’ll be “looked at differently”. Through listening, you will only strengthen that which is yearning to be heard and accepted by you. You will build and strengthen a relationship with a part of you that is always true. Go forth, and drop your mask.